Social letters and notes may be divided into two distinct classes, the formal and informal and among the latter may be included those notes of daily life which are hardly social in their contents yet which require the social manner and conventions.
While one may take some liberty with the informal note those of formal type must not be changed from the conventional form and the formal invitation requires a formal response regardless of any unusual circumstances. If further explanations are deemed necessary an informal note may follow the formal response or, if on sufficiently friendly and intimate terms, the telephone may be utilized. The use of the third person at once proclaims formality and the answer must also show the use of the third person throughout. A quite usual mistake is to commence with the third person and later on employ the pronoun "I". The use of "I" immediately signifies an informal type of epistle although it may be an invitation for an affair of several hundred guests where very smart clothes are required. And a formal invitation may be sent out for what appears a most informal affair such as a garden fete, but let the newcomer beware and wisely wear the smartest costume although adapted to hour and place.
Formal invitations are sent out at least three weeks in advance of the date of the affair, often much earlier if a strenuous season and should be accepted or declined within a week if possible, but there should be nothing indefinite in the reply - it must be one or the other If the affair is a large one such as an evening reception or a dance which one is not sure of being able to attend but desires to be present, it is quite correct to accept and if unable to attend excuses may be made later when calling. If a small affair, or where a stated number of guests are expected for a luncheon, dinner or theater party, one regrets definitely since no considerate guest would ask a friend to wait upon her pleasure.
When a married couple are invited to dinner and the husband cannot accept, the wife should decline also since it may be difficult to arrange another dinner partner for her. This is a case where an explanatory note may follow if the hostess is an intimate friend and not only a social acquaintance, but it must be done so deftly that the hostess is not placed in an embarrassing position, so that it is usually wiser to play Polly by the fireside under such conditions.
Unless engraved, all formal notes must be written in long hand even if it is the hand of the social secretary and there is an exact wording and spacing for all formal requirements which should be carefully followed as convention permits the use of only the upper sheet of the note paper. If one writes a large all-covering script it must be regulated to produce a page which has social sanction in form as in contents. To acquire this desirable appearance such a writer will derive much benefit from practicing on inexpensive paper folded the correct size until able easily to accomplish a page conveying formal invitations, acceptances or regrets.
The selection of the writing paper is most important since formality requires white or ivory for invitations although the delicate tints may be used for the formal responses, and all must be of most excellent quality and not too extreme in style. For social correspondence there are three sizes required, the largest for social letters, a smaller size for all formal occasions, and the smallest which is used for notes of a few lines such as congratulations and condolences. Correspondence cards are used only informally to convey a few words and of course a postal card is impossible except for semi-business use, such as sending an address.
The delicate grays, blues and lavenders with monogram or address are exceedingly smart but only for intimate letters or country house stationery are the gayer and more unique forms possible and even then there remains a doubt if they best express a refined personality.
For bachelors, since wives attend to the social side for their husbands, there are darker shades of gray, blue and slate but the novice wisely clings to the conventional white for formal use. The bachelor girl or business woman often follows the masculine taste in the darker tones and the use of initials or address rather than the more intricate monogram. A delicate or simple monogram in the darker tone of the paper or in silver or gold with a touch of faint color is preferred to the heavier more elaborate designs, and is placed in the center or the left-hand comer and is frequently omitted if the address is engraved. When only the address is preferred it occupies the center or right-hand comer. As country house stationery often requires more than just the name of the country house or the number and street address at the right, the left-hand comer gives further details in smaller type - such as the telephone number, telegraph, post office and railway station if any deviation from the country house address.
In addressing the envelope write all the necessary directions but without superfluous words such as "For" Mrs. __. If there is a special name for the country house by all means use it and should it cause a lengthy, confused appearance it may be placed in the lower left-hand corner. The stamp should be squarely affixed in the upper right-hand corner and some devotees of detail select the green penny stamps if more harmonious with their tinted paper than the gay cherry two cent ones. In addressing a guest "Care"should be written and the name of the host given rather than that of the hostess. If a girl guest is visiting a girl friend at her mother's house the letter is sent in care of the hostess, if there is no masculine head of the house, instead of in care of the young friend; a minor detail but one which has often been criticized. So much social tact is required in addressing invitations and letters correctly that a separate section will be devoted to it at the end of this chapter.
While brevity is the soul of wit, haste is most ungracious so that social grace abhors all abbreviations and business forms which, while signs of efficiency, find no place in the social lexicon. The full name should be written out except in those cases where the initial is always signed for the first name. The numbers of the address on the envelope or in the letter where the address is not given should be written unless too lengthy and the same applies to a numbered street - thus "Twenty-four West Seventy-second" is infinitely smarter than the use of the numerals, but "1784 Madison Avenue" or "198 West 147 Street" would be out of proportion. Avenue and street and state are never abbreviated. One occasionally writes "Town" in English fashion but it is wiser to write the name of the city. The same idea is also applied to the date in a letter as one writes "Thursday, June the twenty-second," omitting the year, which is hardly required in a social letter. Should one desire to use the full date then numerals should be used, as "Thursday, June 22, 1920." The abbreviation "th" while still correct is not used as much as formerly. In social letters the date and address are placed at the lower left-hand end of the letter whereas in business forms it is placed at the upper right-hand corner.
Only business letters use the form of salutation such as "Dear Madam" or "Dear Sir" and should it be necessary to write to a stranger as in a matter of inquiry or reference, the full name and address are written out and then with a space between one commences "My dear Mrs. __"
Mrs. Edward Stone,
126 Madison Avenue,
New York City
My dear Mrs. Stone,
"My dear __" is considered more formal than "Dear __" and one may not write "Dear Friend" but should use the name after the salutations, or if on very intimate terms may commence with "Dear" and, a dash.
A social note is written only on the first and last pages, and if not finished continued inside, but it is better to write on consecutive pages if the outer two are not likely to prove sufficient. The commencement is placed about a fourth or even a third of the length of the sheet from the top, much depending on the size of the paper and monogram. Writing too close to the top gives a cramped and economical aspect, while too deep destroys the proportion of the page. The margin at the left hand should be about three-fourths of an inch, with an inch indentation for the commencement of paragraphs, if the square form so rapidly growing in popularity is not used. The lower margin and the one on the right should have about the same spacing. Paragraph the contents as the subject changes, even occasionally making an arbitrary division when launched on a heart burning topic which fills the whole letter. If paragraphs are not indented a space should be allowed between them as an aid to clearness. A word should not be separated at the end of a line, but carried over to the next line.
In closing one rarely uses the conventional forms of "believe me," "With best wishes I am" but following the desire for simplicity writes "With best wishes," and on the line below "Cordially yours" as the connecting phrase is understood. Social etiquette in the Old World retains all of its elegance and no letter closes without some charming message, possibly conventional, yet always a graceful expression of interest. So among friends one may write, "Farewell, dear, until the next time," "You know how welcome any word from you will be," "You can never write too often or too long to__,"
"Do send me good news of your sweet self,""Best regards and cool wishes on this warm summer day."
All adverbs ending in "ly" require the possessive pronoun "yours" to be grammatical and a scribbled note ending "In haste" is neither grammatical nor courteous. One may use some originality in the choice of adverbs to intimate friends, but socially one uses "sincerely," "cordially," "faithfully‚" with the adjectives "very" and "most" to run the social scale. One may place the "yours" before or after adverbs and adjectives. Frankly speaking "sincerely" has been the most often selected of any of the adverbs during the past f season, "truly," "respectfully," "gratefully" belong to the business world with rare exceptions.
The full name should be written out unless too long, such as Margaret Goldsmith Hammersley, when it is advisable to omit the middle name rather than use an initial. Many women on marrying cease to use their middle name but retain their family name, so that Olivia Grace Grey marrying Edward Stone Martin signs herself Olivia Grey Martin and when writing to a stranger writes below her signature, Mrs. Edward Stone Martin. A divorcee usually drops her husband's first name and if retaining his surname signs herself as Olivia Grey Martin as before but adds beneath Mrs. Grey Martin. A woman whose husband is a junior uses that abbreviation after her own name if her mother-in-law is living in the same town. If, however, the mother-in-law is a widow she is supposed to add "Sr." after her name. Where the older woman is not willing to do this the daughter-in-law has retained the "Jr." although her husband has omitted it after his name. When unmarried (Miss) is placed in parenthesis before a woman's signature. A man signs himself in a social note as John Walden Smith avoiding the use of initials. In some cases he may use the above as a business signature and signs himself in social correspondence as Walden Smith.
Now that we are on such approachable terms with royalty, government officials and other distinguished individuals a brief reference guide is required since we often wish to address them in regard to reforms and various welfare projects.
All executives of state in our country are addressed formally as Sir or Dear Sir, except the president who is addressed only as Sir. Socially they are addressed as My dear Mr. President and My dear Mr. __. The envelopes and letter openings are as follows:
President __ __
The Vice-President __ __
Honorable __ __
Secretary of the Interior
(Cabinet Member)
The Honorable__ __
Ambassador to Romania
(Ambassadors to foreign countries)
Senator or Honorable __ __
(Senators)
Honorable __ __
(Members of Congress)
Mr. Justice __ __
(Justice, not necessarily Supreme Cout)
or
The Honorable __ __
Justice of the Supreme Court
(Justice of Supreme Court)
Governor __ __
(Governor of State)
His Honor the Mayor of New York, __ __
Officials may also be addressed with social informality as "My dear Senator, My dear Mr. Justice, Dear Governor," but the addressing of every man as "Mr.," the title of a gentleman, is rapidly gaining favor and one is never at fault if the correct title is given on the envelope. In closing formal and official communications one writes "I have the honor to be your most obedient servant," but socially one uses "I have the honor to remain most respectfully (or sincerely) yours."
An invitation from the President is equal to a command and may not be declined so that all earlier engagements must be cancelled, and only illness or deep trouble may excuse one. The explanation should be given frankly and not as a mere formality.
All officers of the Army and Navy are addressed by their full titles above the rank of lieutenant and may not be abbreviated.
A lieutenant is addressed as "Mr. __ Lieutenant 10th Regiment, United States Infantry." Formally the officers are addressed as "Sir" but socially as "Dear Admiral __."
The Church requires more formality and ceremony and only the simplest forms are given here, as follows: the address - the salutation - the closing.
Roman Catholic Form
His Eminence, Cardinal __Your Eminence:
I have the honor to remain your bumble servant,
The Most Reverend __ , Archbishop of __
Most Reverend and dear Sir:
I have the honor to remain your bumble servant,
The Right Reverend, Bishop of __:
Right Reverend and dear Sir:
I have the honor to remain your bumble servant.
The Reverend __:
Reverend and dear Sir:
I beg to remain yours sincerely, (for priest)
Anglican Church Form
The Most Reverend __, His Grace the Arch-bishop of __: My Lord Bishop, May it please your Grace
I remain, my Lord Archbishop, your Grace's most obedient servant,
To the Right Reverend, the Lord Bishop of ___
My Lord:
I have the honor to remain your Lordship's obedient servant,
Protestant Form
Right Reverend __, Bishop of __; Right Reverend and dear Sir:
I have the honor to remain your obedient servant,
The Reverend __, or Reverend Doctor___:
Reverend and dear Sir or Dear Sir:
I beg to remain yours sincerely, (for minister)
Professional Forms
Physician: __, M.D. or Dr. __Dear Sir: (informally) Dear Dr. __ or Dear Doctor:
Yours sincerely, or Yours truly,
Professor: Professor __, (followed by correct initials)
Dear Professor __ or Dear Dr. __.
by R. Gabrielle
